AITA for yelling at a mom and her kid to get out of my home?

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When DnD Night Turns into Chaos: A Mom, a Toddler, and a Dog

In a bid to welcome a new player into her DnD campaign, a woman finds herself navigating the unexpected challenges of hosting a game night with a toddler in tow. After a series of last-minute cancellations, the mom brings her child along without prior notice, leading to a chaotic evening filled with messes, tantrums, and a near disaster involving a dog. As tensions rise, the host is forced to set boundaries, resulting in a dramatic fallout with her friends and a social media backlash. This story resonates with anyone who’s ever faced the complexities of balancing social gatherings with unexpected guests and the challenges of parenting.

Family Drama Over DnD Campaign: AITA?

A few months ago, I (28F) initiated a new Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) campaign and invited several friends to join. Here’s a breakdown of the events that unfolded, leading to significant wedding tension and conflict resolution challenges:

Invitation Extended: One of my friends, Sarah, requested to bring her friend Anne, a mother who rarely gets adult interaction. I agreed, despite concerns about her potential flakiness due to childcare responsibilities.
Frequent Cancellations: Over the next two months, Anne canceled every proposed first session at the last minute. I informed her that if she couldn’t attend the next session, she would be excluded from the long campaign but could still join one-shots. She apologized and promised to make it.
Unexpected Arrival: Anne finally attended but brought her toddler without prior notice. This created immediate complications.
Bathroom Incident: Upon arrival, the child needed to use the bathroom and made a mess. I asked Anne to clean it up, which seemed to put her on edge.
Distractions at the Table: Once we sat down, the child began running around, causing stress for me. Anne attempted to manage him by holding him in her lap, but the table was cluttered with mini figurines, dice, and drinks, posing safety hazards.
Conflict Escalation: As the child fussed for attention, I expressed my concerns about safety. Anne insisted her child was gentle, leading to a bickering match while the child threw a tantrum. After a glass was knocked over, I asked Anne to take him outside to calm down.
Attempt to Resolve: I cleared the table of hazardous items and tried to regain my composure. When they returned, things seemed to settle momentarily.
Dog Incident: My dog emerged from my bedroom to drink water, which was against my house rules. The child spotted the dog and ran towards it, prompting me to intervene. The child fell and began to cry, leading to a heated argument between Anne and me.
Final Decision: In the heat of the moment, I asked Anne to leave my home. Sarah, who had carpooled with Anne, chose to leave with her, expressing frustration over the situation.
Aftermath: The remaining friends and I continued the session, albeit awkwardly, but eventually enjoyed the night. However, I later discovered that local social media was labeling me as a controlling person and criticizing my treatment of Anne. Sarah, a long-time friend, has since stopped speaking to me.

In light of these events, I am left questioning: AITA for my actions during this family drama and the resulting wedding tension?

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

A few months ago, I (28F) started a new DnD campaign and invited a few friends. One of them, Sarah, asked if her friend Anne could join. Anne is a mom who doesn’t get many chances to hang out with adults, so I agreed, even though I knew she might be flaky due to childcare responsibilities.

I asked Anne if she could attend at least the first few sessions to get familiar with the game, and she agreed. She then proceeded to cancel, mostly last minute, every proposed first session for the next two months. I told her I’m sorry, but if she can’t make it to the next proposed session, she won’t be in long campaigns; she’s still welcome to join one-shots.

She apologized and said she’ll make it. She made it, but brought her toddler without asking. As soon as they came, the kid needed to use the bathroom.

He made a mess since he can’t fully use an adult toilet yet. I told Anne that’s fine but asked her to clean it up. This surprised her, and she started being a bit on edge.

We finally sat down at the table, and the kid started running around, looking for things to do. I was a bit stressed out by this. Anne noticed and put him in her lap.

But now the kid was at the table, which was covered in mini figurines, dice, pretty pictures, and maps, most being a choking hazard, along with glasses of various drinks. The kid started fussing about wanting to play with them. I was telling Anne no because it’s not safe; she told me he’s gentle and doesn’t put stuff in his mouth—we bickered while her kid was throwing a tantrum.

After the kid knocked over a glass, I loudly asked her to step out into the backyard and calm him down a bit while I made the table safer. She did, visibly embarrassed, and I removed everything except for plain-looking papers, pens, and paper cups.

I also did my best to calm down, as this entire thing stressed me out to hell and back at this point. They came back, and things were fine for a minute. That is, until my dog came out of my bedroom to drink water.

Now, I don’t have many house rules, but I have one that’s important: ignore the dog. They were informed of that before coming over. The kid spotted her and yelled “DOGGY”; Anne put him down “to say hi,” and he made a full-speed beeline at my dog while making grabbing motions and yelling.

I stopped him by stepping out in front of him; he ran into me, fell down, and started crying. Anne started screaming at me, I screamed back, and very swiftly told her to get the f out of my home. Sarah was annoyed and told us it took them an hour and a half to get to me, then went with Anne since they carpooled.

The rest stayed; it was awkward for half an hour or so, but we ended up having fun, and they even stayed for the night. I then woke up to the local Facebook groups and people’s Instagram stories calling me a controlling asshole, saying I’m “discriminating” against various players, being too strict, and “have a dangerous dog.”

To add insult to injury, Sarah, who I’ve been friends with for years, is not speaking to me. So, AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for asking Anne to leave after she brought her toddler uninvited and failed to manage the child’s behavior. Many users emphasize that it is the parent’s responsibility to ensure their child is entertained and safe in someone else’s home, and Anne’s disregard for OP’s boundaries and the chaotic situation she created was unacceptable. Overall, commenters agree that OP’s actions were justified in maintaining a respectful and safe environment for all guests.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in social settings, especially involving friends and family, can be challenging to navigate. Here are some practical steps for both OP and Anne to consider in order to resolve the tension and restore relationships:

For OP (28F)

Reflect on the Situation: Take some time to think about the events that transpired. Acknowledge your feelings and the stress you experienced, but also consider Anne’s perspective as a parent trying to balance her responsibilities.
Reach Out to Sarah: Since Sarah has distanced herself, consider sending her a message expressing your desire to talk. Apologize for any hurt feelings and explain your side of the story without placing blame. Emphasize that you value your friendship.
Communicate with Anne: If you feel comfortable, reach out to Anne as well. Acknowledge the difficulties of parenting and express understanding of her situation. Share your concerns about the chaos during the game and how it affected everyone’s experience.
Set Clear Boundaries: In future gatherings, establish clear expectations regarding children and guests. Communicate these boundaries upfront to avoid similar situations. This can include whether children are welcome and what the environment will be like.
Consider a Mediator: If tensions remain high, consider involving a neutral friend to mediate a conversation between you, Anne, and Sarah. This can help facilitate understanding and healing.

For Anne

Reflect on Your Actions: Take time to consider how your decisions impacted OP and the group. Acknowledge the challenges of parenting but also recognize the importance of respecting others’ spaces and boundaries.
Apologize to OP: If you feel it’s appropriate, reach out to OP to apologize for bringing your child without prior notice and for not managing the situation effectively. A sincere apology can go a long way in mending relationships.
Communicate with Sarah: Talk to Sarah about your feelings regarding the incident and your decision to leave with her. Discuss how you can both support OP while also addressing your concerns about the situation.
Consider Future Arrangements: If you wish to participate in future gatherings, discuss with OP beforehand about bringing your child. Offer to find alternative arrangements for childcare or suggest a different setting that is more accommodating for children.
Seek Support: If you’re feeling overwhelmed as a parent, consider seeking support from other parents or groups. This can help you find ways to balance social interactions with parenting responsibilities.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution takes time and effort from all parties involved. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to communicate, both OP and Anne can work towards rebuilding their friendships and creating a more harmonious environment for future gatherings.