AITA for telling my dad he is dead to me

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Abandonment Meets Unexpected Reunion

At 24, a woman grapples with the sudden reappearance of her estranged father, who abandoned her and her mother when she was just a baby. Instead of seeking reconciliation, he shockingly asks for money, igniting a whirlwind of emotions and a heated confrontation. This story resonates with anyone who has navigated complex family dynamics, especially the pain of abandonment and the struggle for closure. As she faces backlash from her family for her reaction, she must decide what family truly means and how to move forward.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Daughter’s Dilemma

A 24-year-old woman, raised solely by her mother, recently faced a significant family conflict when her estranged father reached out after years of absence. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: The woman grew up without her father, who left when she was just six months old. Her mother, who was only 18 at the time, had to balance raising a child while completing high school.
Mother-Daughter Relationship: The woman views her mother more as a best friend than a traditional parent due to their unique dynamic. She appreciates her mother’s efforts in raising her despite the challenges.
Unexpected Contact: Recently, the woman’s paternal grandmother contacted her, stating that her father wanted to speak with her. This was the first communication from him in her entire life.
Meeting at Starbucks: Hoping for an apology or explanation for his absence, she agreed to meet him. However, upon arrival, her father immediately asked for money, which sparked intense feelings of anger.
Emotional Reaction: In a moment of frustration, she slapped her father and declared him “dead to me.” This reaction led to a wave of family drama, as her extended family and even her mother criticized her for her actions.

After the incident, she began to question whether her reaction was justified. She sought advice from the online community, expressing concern about potential legal repercussions for her actions. Additionally, she revealed that her grandmother was aware of her father’s intentions to ask for money, which led to a heated argument between them.

Mother’s Support: Surprisingly, the woman’s mother sided with her father, leaving her feeling confused and betrayed. This unexpected support from her mother added to the wedding tension and family drama surrounding the situation.
Seeking Resolution: As the daughter navigated her emotions, she decided to cut ties with her paternal grandmother and encouraged her mother to seek therapy to address unresolved feelings about her past.

In the aftermath, the woman is left grappling with her feelings of betrayal and confusion, especially as she prepares for her final year of college. The situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of conflict resolution in emotionally charged scenarios.

As she continues to process the events, she remains open to advice and support from those who understand the intricacies of family drama and the importance of healthy communication.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 24F, grew up with only my mom in my life. My dad left me when I was six months old. I guess he was thirsty and wanted to find the best milk in the world.

He disappeared on us and never contacted us once. My mom had to juggle taking care of a kid and finishing high school when she was 18 years old. He had graduated a year earlier.

I look at my mom as more of a best friend than a mom because of the fact that she didn’t really know how to take care of a child, so I grew up as an equal rather than a child. It’s been so hard on her, but she did an amazing job, and I love her for that.

Yesterday, my grandma on my dad’s side called and said he wanted to talk to me. I hadn’t heard from him all my life, and now all of a sudden, he wanted to talk. I arranged to meet with him at a Starbucks to talk.

I hoped and prayed that he was going to apologize and give an excuse, any excuse, about why he left us. I would have even been happy with a “I wasn’t ready for a child” or a “I didn’t love your mom like that.” Do you know what he said when I walked in that Starbucks and sat down? “I need money.”

I felt so much anger that the first time I’m ever hearing from my father is him begging for money. I got up, slapped him, and then told him he is dead to me. I thought what I did was justified, but my extended family and even my mom are saying I was way too harsh and shouldn’t have slapped him.

I’m starting to doubt whether I should have told him that. So, AITA?

Edit

For the people who asked or were wondering, my mom had shown me pictures of my “dad” when I first asked why I didn’t have one.

Edit 2

Thanks for all the replies; I didn’t expect to get so many. A lot of you have been saying I shouldn’t have smacked him, and a few said I could get into legal trouble. Is there any real risk of me being arrested for this? Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit 3

For anyone wondering how hard I slapped him, think of Will Smith and Chris Rock.

Super mini update: I had a quick talk with my grandma on my dad’s side, and apparently, she did know that he wanted money. I don’t want to cut her off for it, but we did get into a screaming match over it.

However, she did kindly inform me that my “dad” was going to try and press charges, like some of you thought he would. The slap was a mistake I wish I could take back.

Another super mini update

I have a problem. My mom is on my dad’s side. I have no idea why. I don’t understand how she could be on the side of the crap head that just left her.

Maybe she still has love for him after 24 years. I’m lost. Now EVERYONE is telling me I was wrong, and I don’t know, maybe I should just give him the money at this point.

I can’t deal with all the drama while I’m in my last year of college.

Update 3

This one is going to be quick since I have to study for my exams. The gist of it is that I cut out my paternal grandmother from my life. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but I knew it was right.

Another thing is that I got my mom to agree to go to therapy, so hopefully, she gets the help she needs. Thank you to all the people who commented and gave advice. I’ll update more as soon as I can.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault for their actions, with many users expressing admiration for their assertiveness in confronting their estranged father. Commenters emphasize that the father’s request for money, after years of abandonment, is unacceptable and that OP’s feelings of anger and resentment are justified. Overall, the comments reflect a belief that OP’s response, while perhaps extreme, was warranted given the circumstances.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family conflicts can be incredibly challenging, especially when emotions run high and past grievances resurface. In this situation, both the daughter and her father have valid feelings that need to be addressed. Here are some practical steps for resolving the conflict while considering both sides:

For the Daughter

Reflect on Your Emotions: Take time to process your feelings about the situation. Journaling can help clarify your thoughts and emotions, allowing you to understand your anger and disappointment better.
Set Boundaries: It’s essential to establish clear boundaries with your father. Communicate what you are comfortable with moving forward, whether that means limiting contact or being open to future discussions under specific conditions.
Consider Professional Support: Engaging with a therapist can provide you with tools to navigate your feelings and the complexities of your family dynamics. Therapy can also help you develop coping strategies for dealing with betrayal and confusion.
Communicate Openly: If you feel ready, consider reaching out to your father to express how his actions affected you. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings without placing blame, such as “I felt hurt when you asked for money instead of an apology.”

For the Father

Self-Reflection: Encourage your father to reflect on his past actions and the impact they had on you. Understanding the consequences of his absence may help him approach the situation with more empathy.
Acknowledge Your Mistakes: If he wishes to rebuild the relationship, it’s crucial for him to acknowledge his past mistakes and offer a sincere apology. This can help pave the way for healing.
Respect Boundaries: If your daughter sets boundaries, it’s important for him to respect them. Pushing for contact or financial support can further damage the relationship.
Seek Professional Help: Just as you are encouraged to seek therapy, he may benefit from counseling to address his own issues and learn how to communicate effectively and respectfully.

For the Family

Encourage Open Dialogue: Family members should create a safe space for open discussions about feelings and perspectives. This can help everyone understand each other better and reduce tension.
Promote Empathy: Encourage family members to practice empathy by considering each other’s feelings and experiences. This can foster a more supportive environment for healing.
Consider Family Therapy: If the conflict escalates or remains unresolved, family therapy can provide a structured environment for addressing issues and improving communication.

Conclusion

Resolving family conflicts takes time, patience, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives. By taking these practical steps, both the daughter and her father can work towards healing and potentially rebuilding their relationship. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being while navigating these complex dynamics.