AITA for calling my friends “every pony?”

When a Playful Greeting Turns into a Friendship Fallout

In a lighthearted attempt to engage her diverse friend group, a woman finds herself at the center of a heated debate over gender identity and respectful language. After introducing a whimsical greeting inspired by My Little Pony, one friend, Tom, erupts in anger, claiming disrespect for his identity as a man. As tensions rise and the party atmosphere sours, the woman grapples with whether her playful intentions were misunderstood or if Tom’s reaction was overblown. This relatable scenario highlights the complexities of navigating gender language in today’s society, leaving readers to ponder where the line between humor and respect truly lies.

Family Drama Over a Playful Greeting

A 32-year-old woman finds herself in the middle of a conflict resolution situation within her friend group, stemming from a seemingly innocent greeting. Here’s a breakdown of the events that unfolded:

Background: The woman has a diverse group of friends, where casual greetings like “hey guys” or “hey dudes” are common. She occasionally uses “hey girls,” which has upset one friend, Tom, due to his gender identity.
Tom’s Reaction: Although the woman has respected Tom’s feelings by avoiding “hey girls” in his presence, she noticed that he did not object to other gender-neutral terms used by the group.
New Greeting: In an attempt to lighten the mood, she began using “every pony,” inspired by the nostalgic show My Little Pony. This greeting was well-received by most friends, except for Tom, who occasionally remarked, “I’m not a pony!”
Escalation at the Party: During a recent gathering, the woman greeted everyone with “What’s up every pony?” Tom reacted explosively, shouting, “I’M NOT A PONY!!” and stormed out, leaving the group confused.
Aftermath: Tom later sent a lengthy message in the group chat expressing his frustration about feeling disrespected regarding his identity. He emphasized that he is a man, not a horse or a girl.
Discussion in Group Chat: The woman suggested that Tom could have addressed his concerns calmly. She questioned why he felt it was acceptable to use “guys” and “dude” while objecting to her playful greeting. Tom insisted that those terms are gender-neutral, while she argued that “every pony” was also meant to be lighthearted.
Tension in the Group: The conversation left the atmosphere tense, with the woman feeling guilty for the situation but also frustrated with Tom’s reaction. The friend group now seems strained over a simple reference to a children’s show.

In conclusion, the woman is left questioning her role in this family drama and whether she is the one at fault for the escalating tensions. The conflict highlights the complexities of language and identity within friendships, raising questions about respect and communication.

This is Original story from Reddit

Story

Using a throwaway reddit account but this situation is so specific so if one of my friends sees this, hi.

I’m a 32-year-old woman. I have a good set of diverse friends, with a good mix between various genders. Oftentimes in this friend group, people will say “hey guys” or “hey dudes,” which most of the time I’m fine with.

However, a few times I have said “hey girls,” and one person in the group, let’s call him Tom, has gotten very angry at this. He was mad because he is not a girl, and wanting to respect his gender identity, I have not used that greeting when he was there. No other friend seemed to have an issue with it, but I’m also not the best at reading social cues; since people say “hey guys” and “hey dudes,” I figured they were fine with it.

Recently, though, I have started saying “every pony” because I remembered My Little Pony exists, and I thought it would be a funny throwback. This caught on with a lot of my friends in the group because they found it funny too. Tom sometimes would go “I’m not a pony!”, but I didn’t think he cared that much.

However, one night at a party, I had arrived and said “What’s up every pony?” and this time Tom immediately blew up and screamed “I’M NOT A PONY!!” and stormed out of the room. Everyone was kind of confused. Tom then emerged with his coat and said he was leaving because he’s not going to take this disrespect.

We were all confused, and I asked him why he was having such an intense reaction, which may have made me the asshole here instead of just saying “I won’t say every pony anymore,” but honestly, I was wondering why he was having such an issue with this.

Tom got mad and said that he’s tired of being disrespected. Tom walked out of the apartment and slammed the door. The mood of the party was pretty soured by then, and I apologized to the host, who didn’t really say much.

It was a tense evening. Later that night, Tom dropped a really long message in our group chat about how he’s tired of having his identity as a man disrespected, and he’s a human, not a horse, and definitely not a girl. I replied in the group chat that he could have approached this calmly and seriously brought the issue up, and we would have solved it.

Then, I asked him why he thought it was okay for him to call everyone “guys” if we couldn’t use a playful and fun gender-neutral greeting. Tom said it was different, that “guys” and “dude” are gender-neutral. No one else in the group chat really said anything.

I said that I’d stop saying “every pony,” but that “guy” and “dude” are not gender-neutral and he needs to check his biases. Now, the air seems really tense. I feel stupid for starting this, but really angry at Tom for blowing up like this.

My friend group seems to be in shambles because of a stupid My Little Pony reference. AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that Tom’s reaction to being referred to in a gender-neutral way is rooted in his insecurity and fragile masculinity. Many users express that terms like “dude” and “guys” are often perceived as male-centric, and they support the idea of using more inclusive language, such as “everypony.” Overall, commenters suggest that Tom’s issues are not the responsibility of the original poster (OP), and they encourage OP to either address the situation with Tom or simply move on.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict within friendships can be challenging, especially when it involves sensitive topics like identity and language. Here are some practical steps for both the woman and Tom to help resolve the situation and restore harmony within the group:

For the Woman

Reflect on Intent: Take a moment to consider your intentions behind using “every pony.” Acknowledge that while it was meant to be playful, it may not have been received that way by everyone.
Reach Out to Tom: Initiate a private conversation with Tom. Express your desire to understand his feelings better and clarify that your intention was never to disrespect him.
Apologize if Necessary: If you feel that your greeting may have unintentionally hurt Tom, a sincere apology can go a long way. Acknowledge his feelings without dismissing them.
Discuss Language Sensitivity: Use this opportunity to discuss the importance of language and how it affects everyone differently. Encourage an open dialogue about what terms are comfortable for each person in the group.
Suggest Alternatives: Propose alternative greetings that everyone can agree on, ensuring that everyone feels included and respected.

For Tom

Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on why the greeting upset you so much. Consider whether your reaction may have stemmed from deeper insecurities about identity.
Communicate Calmly: When discussing your feelings with the woman, aim to express your concerns calmly and clearly. Avoid shouting or making accusations, as this can escalate tensions.
Be Open to Dialogue: Be willing to listen to the woman’s perspective. Understand that her intention was playful, and she may not have realized the impact of her words.
Explore Inclusive Language: Engage in a conversation about language and inclusivity. Share your thoughts on why certain terms feel more comfortable for you and be open to understanding others’ viewpoints.
Consider Group Dynamics: Recognize that the group dynamic may be affected by this situation. Work towards finding a resolution that fosters a supportive environment for everyone.

Moving Forward

Both parties should aim to approach the situation with empathy and a willingness to understand each other. By fostering open communication and being receptive to feedback, the group can navigate this conflict and strengthen their friendships. Remember, it’s essential to create a space where everyone feels valued and respected.