AITA for calling CPS on my family and asking to be removed from our house?

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Teen Faces Family Crisis: A Struggle for Independence

In a heart-wrenching tale of familial responsibility and personal sacrifice, a 16-year-old boy finds himself burdened with the weight of his family’s dysfunction. With an alcoholic father and an overwhelmed mother, he becomes the primary caretaker for his younger siblings, sacrificing his own needs and dreams in the process. As he grapples with resentment and the desire for a better life, he ultimately makes a life-altering decision that leads to a confrontation with his family and the child protective services. This story resonates with many who have felt the pressure of family obligations and the struggle for self-advocacy in challenging circumstances.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Teen’s Struggle

A 16-year-old boy, the eldest of four siblings, finds himself in a challenging family situation. His father struggles with alcohol addiction, while his mother places significant responsibilities on him. This has led to a series of conflicts and emotional turmoil within the family.

Family Dynamics: The boy has two younger sisters, aged 13 and 10, and a younger brother, aged 12. Their father does not contribute to the household, leaving their mother to manage everything.
Increased Responsibilities: The boy initially took on household duties willingly, wanting to support his family. However, over time, he began to feel resentful as he was left in charge of cooking, cleaning, and managing his siblings’ homework.
Financial Strain: He was also responsible for paying bills and managing the family’s finances, often having to withdraw money from his father’s wallet or use his own savings, which eventually depleted.
Unequal Treatment: The boy noticed that his mother would often spoil his younger siblings while neglecting him, leading to feelings of anger and betrayal.
Social Isolation: While his siblings were allowed to socialize, he was often denied the same opportunities, with his mother citing financial constraints and the need for him to stay home.
Academic Decline: The pressure of these responsibilities began to affect his school performance, leading to slipping grades. When he sought help, his mother dismissed his concerns.

After a series of events, including intervention from school staff, the boy reached out to Child Protective Services (CPS) to report the situation at home. He expressed concerns about the lack of food and support, which ultimately led to his removal from the home.

CPS Involvement: Following his report, CPS began investigating the family situation. The boy was placed with a relative, while his siblings remained with their mother.
Family Reaction: Once his family discovered he was the one who called CPS, tensions escalated. His mother accused him of being a spoiled brat and abandoning his family.
Emotional Fallout: The boy feels conflicted about his siblings, who have seemingly turned against him, reflecting the toxic environment they were raised in.

As CPS continues to work towards family reunification, the boy has expressed a desire not to return home. He grapples with feelings of guilt and resentment, questioning whether he is in the wrong for seeking a better life away from his family.

In this complex situation, the themes of family drama, conflict resolution, and wedding tension are evident as the boy navigates his challenging circumstances and seeks to find his own path forward.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My parents have four kids. There’s me, 16M, and I’m the oldest. Then I have two younger sisters, 13 and 10, and a younger brother, 12.

Our dad drinks a lot. He’s had issues with alcohol for as long as I can remember. He doesn’t work, doesn’t do anything around the house, and never wants to talk to any of us, which leaves it all on mom.

Except my mom puts a lot of it on me. For a long time, I did it willingly, and I wanted to help keep us together. But I started to feel resentful in the last two years, and then I realized if I wanted a better life, I needed out and I needed to stop things from staying the same.

My siblings have no expectation to help. My mom said there can be too many people helping, and it needs to be just me. So I was making after-school snacks and getting dinner ready for when mom got home.

I was left in charge if my mom wasn’t home for any reason. Even if dad was there, we never knew when he’d just get up and go to the bar. I had to make sure homework was done before mom got home, and I had to forge her signature on stuff, with mom’s permission, because she wanted to come home and relax after a long day at work.

My mom left me in charge of paying the bills online too. She had a checklist for me, and once a month, I had to go through the list and pay them all off. If we didn’t have enough, I needed to get my siblings and go to the bank and deposit more money in my parents’ account.

Sometimes that meant looking for dad’s wallet and taking money from him, and other times it meant taking from my minimal savings to use that. I have no savings left because of it. On weekends, I still got put in charge of feeding my siblings, sometimes my parents too.

I found out my mom was eating out frequently on weekends while “running errands,” and that pisses me off because we struggled with money a lot, and we had more than I realized. She just used it to spoil herself. The other thing was she’d bring home snacks for my siblings but wouldn’t bring me anything.

She was also giving them money behind my back, and again, nothing for me. Then my siblings wanted to do more stuff, and mom slowly started putting the responsibility of walking them to those places on me. She had a car, but she’d tell me she needed a break and stuff.

There were nights she’d go out with her friends too, and some nights she didn’t even come home or got back at 5 am. But if I asked for permission to sleep at a friend’s house or see a movie with my friend, she’d tell me we didn’t have the money and she couldn’t be without me. My siblings got to hang out with their friends if they wanted, but my mom always had excuses for why I couldn’t.

She started going out more frequently and sometimes with my dad. I tried talking to my mom, but she didn’t care about giving me time off. All she’d talk about was how hard she worked her ass off for us.

And she’d tell me I was young and didn’t get stressed as much or need breaks like someone older. My grades started slipping this year. It was too much for me to keep up with, and mom got an email about it, and she refused to speak to my guidance counselor about it.

The guidance counselor set up a meeting. She didn’t say anything to me. I was told by my guidance counselor in November about it.

I asked mom why, and she said the reality is I might need to drop out anyway, so why would she waste her time? I sat on that for a few weeks, and then I spoke to my school about everything. My guidance counselor called CPS, and so did one of my teachers.

But then I called and told them everything, and I talked about there not being enough food in the house because at that point there wasn’t, and how we didn’t even have money in our school lunch accounts. Someone from CPS came, and I begged them to take me. There were several visits before I was actually removed.

My siblings weren’t because mom put money in their accounts after the initial CPS visit, and she explained that she had called their schools before and had allowed the account to overdraw, and she paid it off after a few weeks. CPS is still involved, but I’m staying with a family member. CPS is trying to reunite me, but I have said I don’t want to go back.

On top of all the stuff with my parents, my siblings have turned into really shitty people who don’t give a fuck about me. Guess our parents taught them that. But I don’t feel the need to save them anymore or even care if they get put through what I was.

At the start of the month, my mom and siblings figured out I was the one who called. Some of the details brought up finally connected in their heads, and they’re pissed at me. Mom said I was doing better than a lot of kids, and my actions came across as being those of a spoiled brat.

She told me the fact I asked to be removed spoke about what my character is and how easy I find it to abandon my family.

AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments express overwhelming support for the individual who reached out for help, emphasizing that they are not at fault for their difficult home situation. Many users highlight the concept of “parentification,” where the individual was unfairly burdened with responsibilities typically held by adults, and they commend the decision to contact CPS as a necessary step for their well-being. The consensus is that prioritizing one’s mental and physical health is crucial, and the individual deserves a better future free from the burdens imposed by their family.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

In situations like the one described, where family dynamics are strained and responsibilities are unevenly distributed, it’s essential to approach conflict resolution with empathy and understanding. Here are practical steps for both the teenager and the family to consider:

For the Teenager

Seek Professional Support: Continue to engage with a counselor or therapist who can help process feelings of guilt, resentment, and isolation. Professional guidance can provide coping strategies and emotional support.
Establish Boundaries: If possible, communicate clearly with your family about what you are willing to take on. Setting boundaries is crucial for your mental health and well-being.
Focus on Personal Goals: Prioritize your education and personal interests. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, which can help rebuild your sense of self outside of family responsibilities.
Maintain Communication: If you feel safe doing so, try to keep lines of communication open with your siblings. Share your feelings and experiences, but also listen to their perspectives. This can help foster understanding and connection.

For the Family

Recognize the Impact of Parentification: Acknowledge the unfair burden placed on the teenager. Parents should strive to understand how their actions have affected their child’s mental health and overall well-being.
Seek Family Counseling: Consider engaging a family therapist to facilitate discussions about roles, responsibilities, and emotional needs. Professional mediation can help address underlying issues and improve communication.
Reassess Family Dynamics: Reflect on the distribution of responsibilities within the household. Parents should take on more responsibilities and ensure that children are not forced into adult roles.
Support the Teen’s Independence: Encourage the teenager’s pursuit of independence and personal growth. This may involve allowing them to explore opportunities outside the home and supporting their educational goals.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution in family dynamics is a gradual process that requires patience and understanding from all parties involved. By taking these steps, both the teenager and the family can work towards healing and creating a healthier environment. Remember, prioritizing mental health and well-being is essential for everyone involved.