AITA for asking a guest to not crochet at my bachelorette party?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Is It Rude to Crochet at a Bachelorette Party?

When a bride-to-be invites her brother’s girlfriend to her bachelorette party, she hopes to include everyone in the fun. However, the girlfriend’s insistence on crocheting during every activity—from wine tastings to museum tours—leaves the bride feeling disrespected and frustrated. As tensions rise, the bride grapples with whether she should apologize for wanting her party to be a shared experience or stand her ground against what she sees as rude behavior. This relatable dilemma touches on the challenges of balancing family dynamics and personal boundaries, making it a thought-provoking read for anyone navigating social expectations.

Family Drama at the Bachelorette Party

A 28-year-old woman is preparing for her wedding and recently hosted a bachelorette party that sparked some family drama. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Event Overview:
- Location: Cabin setting for a weekend getaway.
- Attendees: Three bridesmaids and several friends, including her brother’s girlfriend.
- Brother’s girlfriend (36F) was invited at the brother’s (38M) request, despite not knowing her well.
Initial Concerns:
- The bride was unsure about inviting the girlfriend, as they live in another state and she had limited interaction with her.
- Brother insisted that the girlfriend had never been invited to a bachelorette party and wanted her to have the experience.
Conflict During the Trip:
- The girlfriend spent most of the weekend crocheting, even during planned activities like wine tasting and brunch.
- When asked to participate in games and events, she expressed that she preferred to crochet, considering it her vacation time.
- The bride felt it was disrespectful for the girlfriend to crochet during group activities, especially during bridal games.
Aftermath:
- Post-trip, the girlfriend was upset about being asked to limit her crocheting time.
- The bride’s brother has been pressuring her to apologize for ruining the girlfriend’s experience.
- The bride is conflicted, wanting to maintain her relationship with her brother while feeling justified in her feelings about the girlfriend’s behavior.
Additional Context:
- The girlfriend was crocheting a large throw blanket, which she carried to various events.
- The bride had offered the girlfriend the option to stay home if the trip wasn’t her style, but she insisted on attending.
- Despite the brother’s request, the girlfriend had expressed her desire to join the trip.
- She reportedly referred to the bachelorette party as a “basic bitch bachelorette,” indicating her lack of interest in the planned activities.

The bride is now seeking advice on how to navigate this family drama and whether she should apologize to her brother’s girlfriend to resolve the conflict. The situation raises questions about expectations at social gatherings and the importance of participation in group activities, especially during significant events like a bachelorette party.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’m 28F getting married this year, yay! I went on my bachelorette party trip last weekend. The trip was to a cabin-type setting where we all stayed in the same house.

I have three bridesmaids but also invited some friends to come along. Part of the group is my brother’s girlfriend, 36F, and my brother is 38M. They have been together for five months, and she isn’t in the wedding party.

She wasn’t initially invited because I don’t know her well, and they live in another state. However, my brother asked me to invite her as a favor to him. He said that she’s never been invited to a bachelorette and likely never would be; I have no idea why—this is just what he told me—and hoped she could have this experience.

Since people would be paying their own way and the group wasn’t large, I figured, why not? She seemed nice enough. The problem is that during the weekend, she would insist on crocheting all the time, even during our events and games.

When I asked her to participate with us, she said that she took time off for the trip and wanted to make the most of her “vacation” by catching up on her crochet projects. She mentioned that playing games and hanging out with my friends wasn’t “fun” and that she didn’t want to “waste” her days off—all her words, not mine.

To be clear, I don’t care that she wants to crochet in general. Most of our activities ended after dinner anyway, and we’d just hang out in the living room. I just asked her to save the crocheting for at night after the activities.

My issue is that she was taking her crocheting with us to places like wine tasting, brunch, a museum tour, etc. It was super disrespectful in my eyes because she’d insist on coming yet wouldn’t participate in the activity. Honestly, I was bothered that she was crocheting when we were playing bridal games, but at least that was in our living room!

The trip’s over now, but apparently, she was super peeved that I asked to limit her crocheting time. My brother’s been pestering me to apologize to her for ruining her trip. I personally don’t feel like I should because she shouldn’t have come to a bachelorette party if she didn’t want to do bachelorette-y things!

But I also love my brother very much, and I don’t want this to come between us. I’m starting to doubt myself because his girlfriend sounds really annoyed with me. Please help!

Edit

I wanted to add some details in case it helps because I think some people think I’m being a bridezilla.

She was crocheting a throw blanket about the width of my entire arm span. That’s what she was carrying with her to dinner, museums, wineries, etc. It wasn’t some small thing the size of my palm. She also had the materials for the blanket with her—about five balls of yarn? I’m not sure what you’d call it, but each ball was about the size of a cantaloupe.
We gave her the option to stay home. I told her I wouldn’t be offended if this trip wasn’t her style and she wanted to spend it crocheting. But she insisted on coming out with us to every single event.
Even though my brother asked me to bring her, she admitted to me that she wanted to come and that she had asked my brother to ask me.
She doesn’t have social anxiety. She just thought our activities were boring and a waste of her time. I mentioned this in another comment, but I overheard her calling my party a “basic bitch bachelorette,” but I didn’t want to confront her because I didn’t want to cause drama.
My biggest issue isn’t that she wasn’t giving me attention. Please! I’m a grown adult and already thankful for the friends giving me love and joy during the weekend. I just thought it was super rude to crochet such a big project during group activities. She literally brought her blanket to a museum and crocheted during a private tour!

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a clear consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for the situation involving her brother’s girlfriend. Many users express that the girlfriend’s behavior, including crocheting during scheduled activities and making derogatory comments about the bachelorette party, was rude and inappropriate. The comments suggest that the girlfriend’s lack of participation and her judgmental attitude contributed to the negative experience, highlighting that she should have either engaged with the group or opted out of the trip altogether.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be challenging, especially during significant events like weddings. Here are some practical steps for the bride to navigate this situation with empathy and professionalism:

Steps for the Bride

Reflect on Your Feelings:
Take some time to understand your feelings about the situation. Acknowledge your disappointment regarding the girlfriend’s behavior, but also consider her perspective. This reflection will help you approach the conversation with a balanced mindset.
Communicate Openly:
Reach out to your brother and his girlfriend for a calm and honest conversation. Express your feelings about the bachelorette party and how her actions affected the group dynamic. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I felt hurt when you chose to crochet during our planned activities.”
Listen Actively:
Give the girlfriend a chance to share her side of the story. Understanding her reasons for crocheting during the trip may provide insight into her behavior. This can foster empathy and help you both find common ground.
Set Boundaries:
Discuss expectations for future family gatherings. It’s important to establish that participation in group activities is essential for creating shared memories, especially during significant events. Encourage her to express her preferences in advance if she feels certain activities are not her style.
Consider a Compromise:
If the girlfriend enjoys crocheting, perhaps suggest designated times for her to crochet during downtime, while also encouraging her to engage in group activities. This way, she can enjoy her hobby without detracting from the group’s experience.
Maintain Family Relationships:
Regardless of the outcome, prioritize your relationship with your brother. Let him know that you value his feelings and want to find a resolution that works for everyone. This can help ease tensions and show that you are committed to family harmony.

Steps for the Girlfriend

Reflect on Your Actions:
Consider how your behavior may have impacted the group. Acknowledge that while your hobby is important, participating in family events is equally significant.
Communicate Your Needs:
If you feel uncomfortable with certain activities, express this to your partner and the bride ahead of time. This can help set expectations and avoid misunderstandings.
Engage with the Group:
Try to participate in group activities, even if they are not your favorite. Engaging with family can strengthen bonds and create lasting memories.

By following these steps, both the bride and the girlfriend can work towards a resolution that respects each other’s feelings and strengthens family ties. Open communication and empathy are key to navigating this family drama successfully.