AITA? I told my fiancé I would not take care of an English bulldog if we got one.

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Dog Dilemma: Love vs. Responsibility

In a heartfelt debate, a woman grapples with her fiancé’s desire for a bulldog, a breed she finds ethically troubling and high-maintenance. Despite his childhood affection for the breed, she fears the burden of care will fall solely on her, especially with their future plans to move to a hotter climate. This relatable conflict raises questions about compromise in relationships and the responsibilities of pet ownership, making it a thought-provoking read for anyone who’s navigated similar discussions about family pets.

Family Drama Over Bulldog Ownership

In a recent discussion, a couple found themselves in conflict over the potential ownership of a bulldog, leading to significant wedding tension. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: The fiancé has a deep-rooted love for bulldogs, stemming from his childhood experiences with the breed. His family is involved in the national kennel club, showcasing and breeding bulldogs with proper health testing.
Personal Stance: The poster is not a dog enthusiast and has specific objections to bulldogs, which she feels strongly about. Her main concerns include:

Ethical Concerns: She does not support the breeding of bulldogs and is hesitant to contribute to a controversial market.
Health Issues: The potential for high veterinary bills due to the breed’s known health problems is a significant worry for her.
Care Requirements: Bulldogs require extensive daily care, including cleaning their skin folds and ears, which she feels would fall solely on her.
Lack of Activity: She desires a more active dog that can accompany her on hikes and adventures, rather than a breed that struggles with physical activity.
Personal Discomfort: The coarse hair of bulldogs irritates her skin and allergies, making her uncomfortable in their presence.
Noise Issues: As a light sleeper, she is concerned about the snoring and other noises bulldogs typically make.

Current Situation: The couple frequently disagrees on the topic of bulldog ownership. The fiancé works long hours, leaving the poster to manage the dog’s care, which she feels is unfair.
Conflict Resolution: The poster is trying to communicate her feelings about the responsibility of owning a bulldog, emphasizing that it would not be a suitable decision for their current lifestyle.
Self-Reflection: She questions whether she is being unreasonable by not wanting to take care of a dog that her fiancé loves. However, she believes it is essential to address the issue before it becomes a reality.

In summary, the couple is facing family drama over the potential ownership of a bulldog, with the poster expressing valid concerns about the responsibilities and challenges associated with the breed. As they navigate this conflict, it remains crucial for both partners to engage in open communication and seek a resolution that respects each other’s perspectives.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My fiancé has always been around bulldogs; they were his childhood pets. Naturally, he absolutely loves them. Some of his close family members are part of the national kennel club, show them in dog shows, and breed them—all registered with proper health testing, etc. Very much NOT backyard breeders.

In the event we would own a bulldog, we would likely receive a top-of-the-line bred dog with a championship-winning bloodline. I am not a huge dog person to begin with, but I especially am not a fan of this breed. I don’t like them for a variety of reasons, which I’ll list below, but my main protest is that due to our work situation, I would be responsible for 90% of its care.

I am 100% prepared to take care of and love a family pet; however, I’ve made it clear that I do not want a bulldog. I’m not willing to provide the extensive level of daily care they require. To provide background as to why I don’t like/don’t want a bulldog:

I don’t think they are an ethical dog breed. I don’t support their breeding; I don’t want to contribute to that market, nor do I want to own such a controversial breed.
The extensive health issues and potential for super high vet bills. He argues that their breathing is perfectly healthy; however, I strongly disagree. We also plan to move to a hot climate within 5-10 years, which isn’t really compatible with a bulldog due to their heat sensitivity.
High maintenance daily cleaning of their skin folds, ears, and tail would be my responsibility. Honestly, I’m just not down for that.
They’re not an active dog. I want a dog I can take hiking or on adventures, not a dog that can’t handle a 45-minute walk.
I’m not a fan of their personalities.
Their hair is so coarse it makes me itchy all over, irritates my nose and eyes, and it sticks to absolutely everything.
The snoring and snarling noises. I’m a light sleeper.

The reason I’m posting is that my fiancé and I frequently disagree on this topic. Today, I told him that with him working away long hours while I’m at home all the time, it wouldn’t be fair to me or the dog for us to own one because I’m not willing to provide such extensive daily care. I understand and respect that he loves this breed, but I genuinely don’t want the burden of responsibility shoved onto me just so he can own the dog breed he had as a kid.

I feel like I could be the AH since I’m pretty much telling him I wouldn’t take care of an innocent animal—that’s obviously not right. However, I also feel like I might not be the AH because this right now is all hypothetical since we don’t own one. I’m just trying to convey the point that we SHOULDN’T own one.

TL;DR: My fiancé wants a bulldog because he’s always had them. I don’t want one because I’d be solely responsible for it when I don’t like them, don’t want one, and don’t want to deal with the upkeep they require.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for refusing to get an English bulldog due to the breed’s extensive care requirements and health issues. Many users emphasize the importance of being on the same page about pet ownership, especially when one partner is not home to help with the responsibilities. Additionally, there is a significant concern regarding the inhumane breeding practices associated with bulldogs, further supporting OP’s stance.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Bulldog Ownership Conflict

Navigating a disagreement over pet ownership can be challenging, especially when it involves deep emotional connections and differing values. Here are some practical steps to help both partners address their concerns and find common ground:

Open Communication:
Set aside time for an honest and calm discussion about the bulldog ownership issue. Both partners should express their feelings and concerns without interruption. This will help create a safe space for dialogue.
Understand Each Other’s Perspectives:
Each partner should take the time to understand the other’s viewpoint. The fiancé should acknowledge the OP’s concerns about health issues, care requirements, and personal discomfort, while the OP should recognize the fiancé’s emotional attachment to bulldogs.
Research Together:
Engage in research about bulldogs, including their care needs, health issues, and ethical considerations surrounding breeding. This can help both partners make an informed decision and understand the implications of owning a bulldog.
Explore Compromise:
Discuss potential compromises. For example, could they consider adopting a different breed that aligns more closely with both partners’ lifestyles and preferences? Alternatively, could they agree to wait until their circumstances change (e.g., more time at home) before considering dog ownership?
Consider Professional Guidance:
If the conversation becomes too heated or unproductive, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or a pet ownership counselor. A neutral third party can facilitate the discussion and help both partners express their feelings constructively.
Set Boundaries:
If they decide against bulldog ownership, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries regarding future discussions about pets. This will help prevent resentment and ensure both partners feel heard and respected.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and respect for each other’s feelings. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to compromise, both partners can navigate this conflict and strengthen their relationship.