WIBTA if I don’t “share” the inheritance that I received from a friend with her daughter?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Inheritance Sparks Family Tensions

After the sudden passing of her beloved neighbor Valorie, a woman finds herself unexpectedly inheriting everything, including the emotional weight of Valorie’s estranged daughter, Sam. As Sam confronts her over the inheritance, the complexities of family estrangement and the meaning of legacy come to the forefront. This story raises thought-provoking questions about entitlement, forgiveness, and the bonds that tie us, making it relatable to anyone navigating family dynamics in today’s world.

Inheritance Conflict and Family Drama

Recently, I (F32) faced a significant family drama following the death of my neighbor and close friend, Valorie (F68). Our relationship blossomed when I moved into my condo in 2018, and we shared many moments together on our adjoining balconies. Valorie had been a widow since she was 55, and I learned that she had a daughter, Sam (F44), with whom she had been estranged for decades.

Background: Valorie’s estrangement from Sam began when Sam came out as gay shortly after high school. Valorie’s husband, Garry, rejected Sam, leading to a painful rift that Valorie regretted deeply.
Attempts at Reconciliation: After hearing Valorie’s story, I helped her reach out to Sam via a heartfelt message on Facebook, but Sam never responded.
Valorie’s Passing: Tragically, Valorie passed away unexpectedly from an embolism a month ago. I informed Sam about Valorie’s death, but she did not attend the funeral.

To my surprise, I was named the sole beneficiary in Valorie’s will, inheriting everything she owned. This unexpected inheritance led to further conflict when Sam contacted me, demanding Valorie’s belongings and accusing me of taking advantage of her mother.

Sam’s Reaction: Sam’s message was filled with anger and accusations, claiming I had no right to Valorie’s possessions since she was her daughter.
My Dilemma: I felt conflicted about whether to share any of Valorie’s belongings with Sam, especially since she had not been in contact with Valorie for years.
Legal Advice: A lawyer confirmed that the inheritance is legally mine, but I am considering whether to offer Sam something sentimental to help her heal.

As I navigate this family drama, I am also dealing with the emotional weight of losing Valorie. I have been clearing out her condo and caring for her plants, trying to honor her memory. Valorie had a kind and accepting nature, which makes the estrangement from Sam even more perplexing.

Next Steps: I plan to consult another lawyer for guidance on how to communicate with Sam and to understand my legal rights better.
Sentimental Items: I intend to sort through Valorie’s belongings to see if there are any items that might hold sentimental value for Sam.

This situation has highlighted the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of conflict resolution in the wake of loss. I hope to find a way to honor Valorie’s wishes while also being empathetic to Sam’s feelings.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I F32 recently came into an inheritance when my neighbor and close friend, Valorie F68, died. I met Valorie when I moved into my condo in 2018, and she became my next-door neighbor. Our places are on the top floor and have almost connecting balconies.

We used to spend every Saturday morning outside taking care of our plant babies and chatting. I had learned that Valorie had been a widow since she was 55. I got the impression that she had married young and never had a true chance to learn who she was until after Garry had died.

I had always thought that Valorie was alone in the world. Turns out that Valorie had had one child, a daughter, Sam F44. However, they had been estranged since the early 2000s.

The story that Valorie told me was that Sam had come out as gay when she was just out of high school. That did not sit well with Garry. He told Sam that she was no longer his daughter and kicked her out, telling her to never contact them or come home again.

The whole situation broke Valorie’s heart, and it was her biggest regret in life. She told me that she had always wished she had tried to fight for Sam, but in the moment, she was so shocked that she watched the whole thing happen without saying a word. When I had first heard that story, I asked if she had ever tried to reach out.

Valorie told me that she hadn’t because she didn’t know how to even try. So I did some internet sleuthing and found Sam on Facebook. It turns out that Sam had managed to build a good life for herself.

I helped Valorie draft a heartfelt message to Sam. Valorie apologized for everything and told Sam how much her perspectives had changed over the years. Valorie also asked if they could try and build a new relationship.

We sent the message and saw that Sam had seen and maybe read the message, but Sam never responded. About a month ago, I got home from work to find Valorie passed away on her balcony. She had suffered an embolism.

I sent the link to her obituary and memorial page to Sam. I didn’t see Sam at the funeral. There is a lawyer handling all of Valorie’s affairs.

I thought that I would simply grieve the loss of my friend and eventually have a new neighbor. I never expected to be the only person who Valorie mentioned in her will, let alone to have been left everything.

A few days ago, Sam messaged me. She was upset and demanded that I give her Valorie’s things, claiming that I took advantage of an old widow. I was upset when I first read Sam’s message and thought, “Who does she think she is? She hasn’t spoken to Valorie in literal decades and never responded when Valorie tried to reach out.”

Now Valorie is her mother, and that entitles her to Valorie’s stuff? Now I wonder if I should do something for Sam. I go back and forth on whether Valorie would want me to. Valorie knew where Sam was, so she could have included Sam somehow.

The lawyer I talked to said that the inheritance is completely mine and that Sam has no claim, but should I give Sam something?

UPDATE

Thank you to everyone who has commented and given me the outside perspective that I needed. I’m shocked at the volume of people who have reacted to this. I was really only hoping to have a handful of responses to help me think.

I do want to clarify some things that I wasn’t able to in the original post due to the character limits. I first want to address the timeline of events:

Sam was kicked out in the early 2000s. I think it was in 2002.
Garry died in 2011.
Valorie sold the “family home” and downsized to her condo in 2013 because the house was too big for just her.
I moved into my condo in 2018.
I learned about Sam, Valorie wrote the letter, and we sent it to Sam in 2022.
Valorie retired and had her will and estate set up at the end of 2023.
Valorie died on January 23, 2025.
The funeral was on January 31, 2025. I messaged Sam as soon as the funeral arrangements were finalized.
Sam messaged me this past Sunday on February 23, 2025.

To clarify some questions that people had about the estate, it’s currently in the formal probate process. Valorie was a legal secretary for a family law office, and the lawyer she worked with specialized in estate law. She had a full career there, and as part of her retirement package, that lawyer helped her set up her will and take care of the estate.

This is the lawyer who told me that everything is being done by the book, that everything will be fully settled in a few months, and that all of Valorie’s wishes are being carried out to the letter. I have taken Reddit’s advice and will be speaking to a different lawyer about both my legal interests in the estate and how to communicate with Sam.

I still haven’t responded to her because I haven’t been sure how. Her initial message was extremely harsh and attacking, and that is what triggered that first emotional and protective response in me. I’m trying to take Reddit’s advice and be empathetic to Sam’s situation.

However, that is challenging because Sam has continued to send me a few additional messages demanding that I respond and calling me a “heartless bitch” and “homophobic bigot,” among other things. I’m not going to respond until after I’ve talked to that lawyer and can do it in the right way.

I do think that Reddit is right and that if Sam wants any sentimental items, she should have them because they might help her healing. I do want to be clear that the estate is not very big and is very simple. All that Valorie had was her condo and her car.

That car was more valuable to her than it is on the market. It’s a 2014 model of a daily driver. I hold the spare key to Valorie’s condo and have been in to clear out the kitchen and to take care of her plant babies because I can’t bear to see them die too.

It’s been really strange being in that space without her. I’ve been given permission to start cleaning out the condo, but not to get rid of anything. I’m going to spend this weekend going through her things and organizing them into boxes.

I don’t know what type of sentimental items that I’ll find because Valorie doesn’t have any family photos on display in her place. There are no photos of Sam and no photos of Garry, not even wedding photos.

I can’t speak to the Valorie who Sam knew. I do know that in her younger years, Valorie was an active member of the LDS church, but that she had stopped being religious by the time that I knew her. The Valorie who I knew was by no means a bigot.

I knew her as a kind, loving, and accepting person. She knew that I’m bi and never judged me for it. She has a Pride flag hanging on her balcony, and she used to attend Pride parades as one of those ally moms/grandmas who would hug and be supportive to the LGBTQ youth who had no one.

I knew her as someone who was trying to make amends to the universe. When I first heard the story about Sam, I was shocked because that just didn’t line up with the Valorie that I knew.

Valorie did have her own Facebook account and knew how to use it, but Sam was not easy to find. It took me a few months to track her down. We used Facebook Messenger because that was our only means of contacting Sam.

The “message” was a 4-5 page letter where Valorie told Sam everything and completely shared her soul. Valorie only reached out once because, “Sam was so much like her father, and I don’t want to

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for keeping the inheritance, as Valorie’s actions towards her daughter Sam were deemed neglectful and harmful. Many users emphasize that Valorie’s late attempt to reconnect does not absolve her of her past actions, and they suggest that OP should consider offering sentimental items to Sam without feeling obligated to share the financial inheritance. Overall, the comments reflect a nuanced understanding of the complexities of familial relationships and the impact of past actions on present circumstances.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Inheritance Conflict

Navigating the complexities of family dynamics, especially after the loss of a loved one, can be incredibly challenging. In this situation, both you and Sam are experiencing grief and unresolved emotions. Here are some practical steps to help address the conflict while being empathetic to both sides:

For You (the Original Poster)

Reflect on Valorie’s Wishes: Consider what Valorie would have wanted in this situation. While you are the legal heir, think about her values and the relationship she had with Sam.
Communicate Openly: Reach out to Sam with a calm and understanding tone. Acknowledge her feelings and express your own grief over Valorie’s passing. This can help to de-escalate tensions.
Offer Sentimental Items: As you sort through Valorie’s belongings, identify items that may hold sentimental value for Sam. Offering these items can show goodwill and may help bridge the gap between you and Sam.
Consult a Mediator: If communication proves difficult, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a mediator, who can facilitate a constructive conversation between you and Sam.
Set Boundaries: While being empathetic, it’s important to set clear boundaries regarding your legal rights. Be firm but kind in communicating that the financial inheritance is yours, as per Valorie’s wishes.

For Sam

Process Your Grief: Encourage Sam to take time to process her feelings about Valorie’s death and their estrangement. Grief can manifest in anger, and it’s important for her to acknowledge this.
Seek Support: Suggest that Sam consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help her navigate her emotions and the complexities of her relationship with Valorie.
Open Dialogue: Encourage Sam to communicate her feelings to you in a constructive manner. This can help her express her grief and anger without escalating the conflict.
Consider the Bigger Picture: Remind Sam that while she may feel entitled to Valorie’s belongings, the estrangement and lack of communication played a significant role in the current situation. This perspective may help her find some peace.

Moving Forward

Ultimately, both you and Sam are navigating a painful loss. By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, you can honor Valorie’s memory while also addressing the emotional needs of both parties. Remember that healing takes time, and open communication is key to resolving conflicts in a compassionate manner.