AITA for asking my mom to come over so I could take a shower while she watched my newborn?

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New Mom’s Struggle for Self-Care Sparks Debate

After giving birth just two weeks ago, a new mother finds herself overwhelmed by the demands of breastfeeding and constant baby cuddles, leaving her desperate for a moment of self-care. While her husband enjoys uninterrupted showers, she grapples with the frustration of never getting a chance to relax without the baby being brought in. When she finally enlists her mother’s help for a peaceful shower, her husband feels blindsided and accuses her of making him look bad. This relatable tale highlights the challenges of balancing parenting responsibilities and personal well-being, a struggle many new parents can empathize with.

Family Drama Over Shower Time: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

After welcoming their newborn daughter two weeks ago, a new mother finds herself struggling with the challenges of breastfeeding and the demands of caring for a baby. The situation has led to tension between her and her husband, particularly regarding shower time.

Breastfeeding Challenges: The mother is exclusively breastfeeding and experiences cluster feeding, which means the baby often wants to be close to her.
Shower Situation: Since the baby’s birth, the mother has only managed to shower alone once, lasting only a few minutes before the baby started crying.
Husband’s Routine: The husband continues his daily routine, taking long, uninterrupted showers, which the mother finds frustrating.
Conflict Over Baby Care: Whenever the mother attempts to shower, the husband brings the baby in, claiming he does not want her to cry. He believes that the sound of running water calms her down.
Mother’s Need for Self-Care: Feeling overwhelmed and in need of self-care, the mother calls her own mother to come over and watch the baby so she can shower without interruptions.
Husband’s Reaction: When the husband discovers that the mother has invited her mom over, he expresses frustration, stating he could have taken care of the baby himself.
Communication Breakdown: The mother explains that past experiences have shown that the baby ends up in the shower with her when the husband is in charge, as he does not attempt to soothe her.
Accusations of Making Him Look Bad: The husband feels that the mother’s actions have made him look bad in front of her mother, leading to further conflict.

This situation highlights the complexities of new parenthood, where both partners may have different perspectives on caregiving and self-care. The mother seeks a moment of relaxation, while the husband struggles with his emotional response to the baby’s cries. This family drama underscores the importance of open communication and understanding in conflict resolution, especially during the stressful early days of parenting.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My husband and I had a baby 2 weeks ago. She is strictly breastfed, and not only does she cluster feed, but she also finds comfort in being close to me. Therefore, there’s not much I can do without her, and more often than not, I’m completely okay with that.

But one thing this does mean is that I don’t get to shower by myself. I’ve showered once by myself since having her, and it only lasted long enough for me to soap up before she was crying and my husband was bringing her in to me. I think I literally had all of 2-3 minutes.

With that said, my husband, of course, hasn’t had to change his life around at all. Every day and nearly every night, he is taking 30-60 minute uninterrupted showers. He doesn’t understand the frustration I get whenever he showers.

That’s the only thing that bothers me. I want to shower. I want to sit under the water and relax my muscles.

But like I said, every time I attempt it, the baby starts crying, and he brings her in to the shower with me instead of trying to calm her down himself. He says it’s because he knows that showers calm her down, and he doesn’t like her crying; he feels bad—like it nearly makes him cry whenever she does. So I get his thought process, but it feels like a cop-out at the same time.

So I called my mom and asked her to come watch the baby so I could shower and shave my legs because I’ve literally been attempting to shave my legs for 5 days now, and it’s all patchy because I keep having the baby handed off to me. I need to self-care. My husband was home when I asked my mom to come by.

I didn’t tell him. She shows up and takes the baby, and I go to shower. My husband comes in at some point and asks why my mom is here, and I tell him I asked her to come by so I could shower without the baby being handed off to me.

He says, “I could have watched her, why would you do that?” So I said, “Every time you watch her while I shower, she ends up in here with me within 2 minutes of me being in here because you don’t even try to calm her down.” Now he thinks I’m an AH because I “never told him to keep the baby out of the shower,” despite me specifically saying I wanted to relax and self-care multiple times.

AITA? He says I’ve now made him look bad to my mom.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the husband is not fulfilling his parental responsibilities, leading to frustration among users. Many commenters emphasize that he needs to learn how to care for the baby independently rather than relying on his wife or her mother for support. Overall, the majority opinion suggests that the wife is not at fault for seeking help, and the husband should reflect on his actions.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating the challenges of new parenthood can be overwhelming, and it’s essential for both partners to feel supported and understood. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict between the mother and father in this situation:

For the Mother

Communicate Your Needs: Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your need for self-care. Explain how important it is for you to have uninterrupted time to shower and recharge.
Set a Schedule: Propose a daily or weekly schedule that allocates specific times for each partner to take care of the baby. This can help ensure that both of you have time for self-care and bonding with the baby.
Involve Your Husband: Encourage your husband to take on more baby care responsibilities. Offer to guide him through soothing techniques or routines that work for the baby, so he feels more confident in his abilities.

For the Husband

Reflect on Your Role: Take time to consider how your actions impact your wife and the family dynamic. Acknowledge that both partners need support during this transition.
Practice Baby Care: Make an effort to care for the baby independently. This could involve taking the baby for a walk, playing, or soothing her during fussy times. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become.
Support Your Wife’s Needs: Understand that your wife’s need for self-care is not a reflection of your parenting skills. Offer to take care of the baby while she showers, and reassure her that you can handle it.

Joint Steps

Establish a Support System: Consider involving a trusted family member or friend who can help during particularly challenging times. This can provide both partners with a break and reduce stress.
Seek Professional Help: If communication continues to break down, consider speaking with a family therapist or counselor who specializes in parenting issues. They can provide tools and strategies to improve communication and understanding.
Practice Patience and Empathy: Remember that both of you are adjusting to a new role. Approach each other with empathy and patience, recognizing that this is a learning experience for both partners.

By taking these steps, both partners can work towards a more balanced and supportive parenting experience, ultimately strengthening their relationship and enhancing their family dynamic.