WIBTA if I cutoff my girlfriend financially all of a sudden (breaking up)

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Should He Stay or Go? A Heart-Wrenching Dilemma

In a complicated relationship, a 25-year-old man grapples with the decision to break up with his girlfriend, who is struggling through a demanding X-ray program. Despite still being in love, he feels the weight of their financial arrangement, having supported her through school and living expenses after she left her job to focus on her studies. The situation becomes even more tangled when past infidelities resurface, leaving him questioning not only his feelings but also his moral obligations. This relatable struggle highlights the challenges of love, support, and personal boundaries in modern relationships.

Relationship Dilemma: Navigating Breakup and Financial Support

A 25-year-old man is grappling with the decision to break up with his girlfriend, 24, due to ongoing emotional conflicts and past issues. The situation has become complicated by financial support and the implications of ending their relationship.

Current Relationship Status: The man is still in love with his girlfriend but feels that the relationship is no longer sustainable.
Financial Support: He has been financially supporting her throughout her X-ray studies, covering expenses such as:

Groceries
Gas for her car
Car insurance
New scrubs and textbooks
School fees
Rent, as she has been unable to work due to her demanding schedule

Living Situation: Although they do not live together, she spends most of her time at his place while technically maintaining her own residence with two roommates.
Support Decision: He encouraged her to quit her job to focus on her studies, which allowed them to spend more time together but has now led to concerns about her financial stability if they break up.

The man is conflicted about the moral implications of withdrawing financial support after a breakup:

Concerns About Cruelty: He worries that stopping financial support would be seen as cruel, especially since he played a role in her decision to leave her job.
Job Search Challenges: He recognizes that finding a job while preparing for board exams will be difficult for her.
Potential Support After Breakup: He is contemplating whether to continue covering her rent until she finds employment, questioning if this is a common practice after a breakup.

Adding to the complexity, the girlfriend had previously cheated on him, which led to a breakup that they later reconciled from. However, recent tensions have resurfaced, including a threat from her to unblock her ex during an argument, which has left him feeling emotionally drained.

In summary, the man is facing a significant family drama and conflict resolution challenge as he navigates the potential breakup while considering the financial and emotional implications for both himself and his girlfriend. He seeks advice on how to handle the situation ethically and compassionately.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 25m, think I need to break up with my girlfriend, 24f. I am still in love with her, so this is hard for me to do. And I just don’t want to be a dick about it.

She is an X-ray student in clinicals full-time, unpaid, and I help her out a lot financially because of that. To be honest, I pay for pretty much everything for her: groceries, gas for her car, car insurance, new scrubs, textbooks, fees for school. And the biggest one is rent.

We don’t technically live together, but she is always at my place. She technically has her own place with two roommates. I pay her rent because when her clinical hours increased, she had no time to breathe between clinical, massive amounts of studying, and her job.

I barely ever saw her and could tell she was stressed and on the brink of a mental breakdown. I told her it makes more sense to quit her job and focus on school, and I can help her out. After that, she had a little more time to breathe in her schedule, I got to see her way more, and everyone was happy.

But now, if I break up with her, am I a massive dick if I stop paying for things? I know that once she becomes my ex-girlfriend, she isn’t my responsibility, but from a moral standpoint, is that cruel? I know it will be hard for her to scramble to find a job when she is studying for board exams.

And I was the one who encouraged her to leave her job, so I guess I would feel partially bad for putting her in this situation. Should I offer to cover her rent at least until she finds a job? Or is continuing to pay after breaking up not a thing people do?

Edit: Yes, she cheated on me, but it was years ago, not while she’s been in X-ray school. I broke up with her for it. We eventually got back together, and there’s been no cheating in that time, the past two years, but I just can’t emotionally do it anymore.

She threatened to unblock him during an argument the other day. I don’t think I can recover from that.

Edit 2: I didn’t realize people would care this much about the context. For those saying I’m not telling the full story, if you really want to read me complain about my relationship more, here is my previous post.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is justified in wanting to end the relationship due to his girlfriend’s past infidelity and her desire to maintain contact with her ex. Many users emphasize that her calling him controlling is inappropriate, given her history of cheating, and suggest that he should prioritize his own well-being and boundaries. Overall, the comments reflect a clear stance that OP should move on from this relationship.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Navigating the Breakup and Financial Support Dilemma

Breaking up is never easy, especially when financial support and emotional ties are involved. Here are some practical steps to help you navigate this complex situation while considering both your needs and those of your girlfriend.

1. Reflect on Your Feelings

Before making any decisions, take some time to reflect on your feelings and the reasons behind your desire to end the relationship. Consider the following:

Assess Your Emotions: Are you still in love, or are you holding on due to guilt or obligation?
Identify Your Boundaries: What are your non-negotiables in a relationship? Make a list to clarify your thoughts.

2. Open Communication

Once you have a clearer understanding of your feelings, it’s essential to communicate openly with your girlfriend. Here’s how:

Choose the Right Time: Find a calm moment to discuss your feelings without distractions.
Be Honest but Compassionate: Share your concerns about the relationship and your emotional state. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without placing blame.

3. Discuss Financial Support

Financial support can complicate breakups, so it’s crucial to address this topic directly:

Set Clear Expectations: If you decide to break up, discuss what financial support, if any, you are willing to provide during her transition.
Consider a Timeline: If you choose to help her financially, set a reasonable timeline for how long you will provide support, allowing her to plan accordingly.

4. Encourage Independence

While it’s kind to offer support, it’s also important to encourage her independence:

Help Her Find Resources: Suggest job search resources or career counseling that can assist her in finding employment.
Encourage Networking: Encourage her to reach out to classmates or professionals in her field for potential job opportunities.

5. Prioritize Your Well-Being

Ultimately, your mental and emotional health is paramount. Consider the following:

Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings and the situation to gain perspective.
Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you recharge during this challenging time.

6. Prepare for Different Outcomes

Be ready for various responses from your girlfriend. She may react with sadness, anger, or understanding. Here’s how to handle it:

Stay Calm: Regardless of her reaction, remain calm and composed. Validate her feelings but stick to your decision.
Give Space if Needed: After the conversation, allow her some time to process the information and emotions.

Conclusion

Ending a relationship is a significant decision that requires careful consideration of both emotional and practical aspects. By reflecting on your feelings, communicating openly, and setting clear boundaries regarding financial support, you can navigate this difficult situation with empathy and respect for both yourself and your girlfriend.