AITA for cutting off my college friends after they used me for years?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Friendship Turns One-Sided: A Med Student’s Dilemma

In a competitive med school environment, one student finds herself shouldering the weight of group projects while her friends coast along, reaping the rewards without contributing. After years of unreciprocated effort, a breaking point is reached when she realizes her friends have been studying together for a challenging course, leaving her to struggle alone. As she contemplates distancing herself from these so-called friends, she grapples with guilt and the fear of loneliness in a new semester. This relatable story highlights the complexities of friendship, accountability, and the importance of mutual support in high-pressure situations.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution in Med School

The story revolves around a medical student who has faced significant challenges in her study group, leading to a decision to distance herself from her friends. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: The student, 24 years old and from a competitive Latin American country, formed a close-knit study group with three friends: Yellow, Green, and Purple during med school.
Initial Dynamics: Initially, the group worked well together, but over time, it became clear that the student was doing the majority of the work for group projects.
Unequal Contributions: Despite her efforts, Yellow and Green contributed minimally, often relying on her for PowerPoint presentations, research, and structuring their work.
Breaking Point: The situation escalated during a particularly demanding semester with six subjects and seven major group projects, where the student found herself overwhelmed.
Specific Incident: The final straw came when Green mentioned studying with Yellow for an indigenous language midterm, while the student struggled alone with the same subject.
Missed Presentation: After missing one presentation due to not meeting the minimum points, the student learned that Yellow had expressed an expectation for her to drop out, which deeply hurt her.
Decision to Distance: Feeling unappreciated and taken for granted, the student decided to distance herself from Yellow and Green, opting to acknowledge them without further collaboration.
Current Situation: The student is now enrolled in an online summer course with Green, who has reached out, but she has chosen not to respond. She anticipates classes with both Yellow and Green in the upcoming semester.
Support System: Purple, who has witnessed the student’s struggles, remains a supportive friend, although they are in different classes this semester.
Future Considerations: The student is contemplating how to navigate her relationships moving forward, feeling guilty about cutting off her friends without an explanation.

In summary, this situation highlights the complexities of family drama and conflict resolution within a high-pressure academic environment. The student is now faced with the challenge of making new friends or spending time alone, while also grappling with feelings of guilt over her decision to distance herself from her former friends.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’ve had three close friends since the beginning of med school; let’s call them Yellow, Green, and Purple. We were a study group and did everything together. I’m the oldest at 24, since it took me a while to get into med school. I’m from a Latin American country, and it’s very competitive.

Ever since the first semester, I noticed I was the one doing most of the work when it came to group projects. At first, I didn’t mind because I take my studies seriously and assumed they just relied on me because I was more organized. But by the second semester, it became obvious they expected me to do everything—powerpoints, research, formatting, even structuring the presentation so they only had to memorize a few lines.

They always got full credit, just like me, despite barely contributing. Last semester was the breaking point. I had six subjects and had to do seven major group projects.

Once again, I did them all alone. Green would occasionally offer to help, but when she did, she’d just copy-paste from ChatGPT without even trying to reword it. Yellow didn’t bother at all.

What made me finally cut them off was a specific subject we had to take—an indigenous language course. I struggled a lot with it, and everyone knew, including Yellow and Green. Meanwhile, I was drowning in group projects and trying to study for this class.

One day, Green casually told me she had spent the entire weekend at Yellow’s house just studying for the indigenous language midterm. I let it slide because I thought it was a one-time thing, but then for the final, she mentioned again—completely casually—that they had been studying together since Thursday. We had the subject on Monday.

That’s when it hit me. I had been doing all the research, all the projects, carrying them for years, while they never once offered to help me with my struggles. To add insult to injury, I missed one presentation out of seven because I didn’t get the minimum points to present.

I let my group know in advance, gave them my part of the script, and made sure they had everything they needed. I had never missed a presentation before. Later, I found out from another classmate that Yellow had privately messaged her saying she “expected” me to drop out. I beg your finest pardon???

That was the final straw for me; I made the decision to distance myself. I will still acknowledge them when I see them, but I have no intention of working with them again. Right now, I’m taking an online summer course where Green is also enrolled.

She has sent me private messages, but I haven’t replied. Next semester, I’ll have classes with both Yellow and Green again. Purple, who has seen firsthand how much effort I put into everything and how things fell apart, has stuck by me.

However, she’s taking different classes this semester, so we’ll only really see each other at lunch. That means I’ll either have to make new friends or spend most of my time alone. I don’t plan on being rude, but I can’t shake the guilt of cutting them off without an explanation. Any recommendations on what I can do?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the original poster (OP) is justified in distancing themselves from friends who have consistently taken advantage of their efforts. Users emphasize that friendships should be mutually supportive, and OP does not owe any explanations to those who have treated them poorly. Many commenters encourage OP to seek new connections that are more respectful and appreciative of their contributions.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in friendships, especially in high-pressure environments like medical school, can be challenging and emotionally taxing. Here are some practical steps for both the student (OP) and her former friends (Yellow and Green) to consider for resolving the conflict and moving forward.

For the Student (OP)

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to understand your emotions regarding the situation. Acknowledge your feelings of hurt and frustration, but also consider what you want moving forward.
Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to Yellow and Green to express your feelings. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory (e.g., “I felt overwhelmed when I had to handle most of the work”).
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you are willing to contribute in future collaborations. Establishing boundaries can help prevent similar situations from arising.
Seek New Connections: Focus on building relationships with classmates who share your values and work ethic. Join study groups or clubs that align with your interests to meet new people.
Consider Professional Help: If feelings of guilt or anxiety persist, talking to a counselor or therapist can provide valuable support and coping strategies.

For Yellow and Green

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your contributions to the group and how your actions may have affected OP. Acknowledge any patterns of behavior that may have led to the current situation.
Reach Out: If you genuinely value OP’s friendship, consider reaching out to apologize for any hurt caused. A sincere apology can go a long way in mending relationships.
Listen Actively: If OP is willing to communicate, be open to listening without becoming defensive. Understanding her perspective is crucial for rebuilding trust.
Commit to Change: If you wish to continue collaborating with OP, demonstrate a commitment to contributing equally in future projects. Show that you value her efforts and are willing to share the workload.
Respect Her Decision: If OP chooses to maintain distance, respect her decision. Everyone has the right to choose their friends and how they engage with others.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution requires effort from all parties involved. By taking these steps, both the student and her former friends can work towards understanding each other better and potentially rebuilding their relationships. Remember, healthy friendships are built on mutual respect, support, and open communication.